


why?

by bloosie



Series: flash fiction [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Free Verse, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-10-23 22:02:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10728144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloosie/pseuds/bloosie
Summary: an au in which rose doesn't live in bumfuck nowhere and her dearest jaspers gets hit by a car instead of gcat's shenanigans and roxy accidentally killing him





	why?

It isn’t something I expected to know like this.

I expected something peaceful, something more fitting for you. 

You see people crying, you see people grieving in their own ways.

 

None of this can prepare you for the heart-wrenching pain.

 

Loving something or someone is a risk,

A risk we willingly take because of the pleasure of love.

It is a sweet feeling,

 

One I would gladly risk hurting myself with again.

 

It won’t be you,

And that hurts more than I ever thought it would.

I didn’t know it could hurt so much.

 

I have been heart-broken;

 

This is ten times worse than getting my heart broken.

I would take another heartbreak sooner

Than I would wish this on anyone.

 

They don’t tell you how to grieve,

 

How to lose your best friend.

They don’t tell you how to deal with death.

They don’t tell you

 

Because they can’t.

 

No one can describe the denial,

The immediate pain,

Feeling almost like you’ve been stabbed.

 

They just fucking can’t

 

Tell you how you will feel as though your heart has been torn from your chest.

They can’t fucking tell you about the denial,

How when you first realize the truth, you scream,

 

A single word.

  
  


No. 

No. You scream no,

Because it’s the only thing you can do.

 

You can’t think,

 

You can barely breathe.

Your mind will spin,

A hundred miles a minute.

 

You will take a deep breath,

 

Close your eyes,

And the shaking will begin.

It’s uncontrollable. 

 

There is no way to prepare.

 

I knew it would happen eventually,

But I thought it would be because you were old.

I thought you would go peacefully.

 

When I heard you were out,

 

My catastrophic-thinking self immediately assumed the worst.

My heart broke a little then.

My mom whispering, “I don’t know how to tell you,”

 

It shattered.

 

She didn’t have to say it,

I knew.

She held me while the tearless sobs racked my body.

 

She held me while I shook,

 

While I screamed.

She held me and talked me down,

Down from a panic attack.

 

My best friend.

  
  


I lost my best friend. 

To a fucking car.

“It was night,”

 

She said, as though that would make it any better.

 

You were half-white at this point.

You had a white kitty-collar.

They didn’t fucking care.

 

I can’t blame them, though.

 

They didn’t know you were so special.

They couldn’t have known any of this.

You were just a stupid cat in their way.

 

I can’t blame them for ignorance.

 

They didn’t know you were my best friend.

They didn’t know their recklessness could break so many hearts.

They couldn’t have known. 

**Author's Note:**

> this is, bar a couple of word changes, actually like half of a free verse poem about my dog. he got hit by a car on april 11th of this year and that's really what spurred me to start writing again.


End file.
